Where was God?

If you're anything like me, on Friday December 14th, you stared in horror at the TV screen, praying that the news that twenty kids were dead was not true.

I'm pretty sure that was most of the country that day. Maybe it was made worse by the fact that I live 40 minutes away from Newtown and have friends there. Maybe it was made worse by following everyone on twitter.

All I know is that night, as I lay sleepless in bed, the same thing went through my head, over and over and over again, "Where was God? Why did He let this happen?"

The next day, people began talking about how it wouldn't have happened if "God was still allowed in schools". Maybe. Maybe if He was allowed in public schools, He would have stopped this...

But that doesn't sound like my God.

That's when I saw this quote by Mr. Rogers: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” 

That's when I realized that God was there all along. 

God was there in Victoria Soto, a young women who hid her class in closets and bravely faced the gunman, telling him that they were in the gym before being killed.

God was there in Kristen Roig, another teacher who squeezed her class into a bathroom, and promised them that they would see Christmas.

God was there in the first responders, who had to see 20 dead children while looking for survivors. Who in their own grief and awful feelings still told the surviving children to keep their eyes closed and hold on to each other. 

God was there in the principal and school psychiatrist, Mary Sherlach and Dawn Hochsprung, who ran out into the hallway to see what was going on.

God was there in Anne Marie Murphy, who's body was found shielding her students. 

God was there the whole time, and you know what? He wept with us as he took his helpers home. 

If I wasn't homeschooled...

• I probably wouldn't be involved with my youth group, thus not meeting the friends I have.
• I wouldn't have the love of reading I do now.
• I would not have the strong morals and values I do now.
• I probably would be doing something extremely different.
• I wouldn't have the relationship I have with my mom and sister.
• I wouldn't have met my best friend.
• Sex, drugs and alcohol would be playing a much bigger part.
• I'd probably be much more lost and confused.
• I wouldn't have the memories I cherish so much.
• I never would have been the Shakespeare nerd I am!
• I probably would never have looked at the Newman Guide and thus, never found my new school.
• I'd laugh at the kids who thought Disney was cool.
• I never would have gotten lost when I went to public school and then had my big reversion.
• I'd probably laugh at the Jesus freaks.
• I'd never have met some of my role models.
• I wouldn't be discerning a religious vocation.
• I probably would still be lost in self-harm. 
• I don't think I would be the Katie God meant me to be.

Just let me eat without having an ulterior political agenda!

In our day and age, it seems everybody and their mother has to make their stance on gay marriage public. Starbucks, and more recently, The Muppets and Oreos, have announced their support for same sex marriage. Even more recently, Chick-fil-A spoke of their support of traditional marriage.

I really hate this debate, because there are many people I know and love who are gay, and I want everybody to be happy. Are you ready for the truth? I don’t support gay marriage.

Some people are surprised, others aren’t. Some are Catholics who are nodding their head in agreement and some are ‘friends’ who are about to spew out about how I’m a brainwashed Catholic who can’t think for herself.

On the contrary, dear ‘friends’. When I was in eighth grade, I stood before the auxiliary bishop, taking the name Therese and being confirmed in the Catholic faith. I know a lot of people don’t take the sacrament of Confirmation very seriously, but I did, and I still do. Let’s look at the word: Confirmation.  According to dictionary.com, to confirm means to acknowledge with definite assurance. So, when you are confirmed in the Catholic faith, you are acknowledging with definite assurance that this is THE faith. 

I made the choice to be confirmed in the Catholic faith, and by doing so, I made the choice to follow her laws. Actually, by doing so, I really made the choice to follow God’s laws.

In the last year or so, I’ve seen the Catholic Church attacked so much, and I’m not just talking about the HHS mandate. I’m talking about the “Why I hate Religion but love Jesus” video and the “How to suck at your religion” comic put out by the Oatmeal. When I first saw these, I felt anger. Then I felt sorrow, because both claimed to love Jesus, but then said they hated the Church He founded. Yeah. That makes sense. The Church is the body of Christ! You can’t truly love Christ fully without belonging to His body.

The way I think that people see the Church is as that crazy overprotective parent. You know how you had that one friend who had this ridiculously overprotective parent (in my case, my mother) that everybody groaned and moaned about but appreciated when they were older? For example, my mom taught me to dress modestly at a young age.  Now, as an upcoming college freshman, I’m thankful for that lesson. She taught me to see my body for what it is: the temple of the Holy Spirit, and not something to gain attention by.  I hated it when I was younger. All my friends got to wear these cute tank tops and short shorts and I was stuck scowling in jealousy in my capri pants and t-shirt. I think the Church is that parent. Maybe you’re bitter because of the rules now, but later, you’ll appreciate them and it’ll all make sense.

Unfortunately, I do not live near a Chick-fil-A. But if I did, I would be going there to get a chicken sandwich. I’d also go to Starbucks (which I do have nearby) and get myself one of those delicious frappuccinos. Then, maybe the world would explode and I’d be the coolest walking contradiction ever. 

Tried and true sunburn relief

On Tuesday, I went to the beach with my friend and sister. We were having a great time, swimming around, splashing each other and laughing. It was a lot of fun. See how much fun we were having?

My sister is on the right looking like a total creeper.

 When we got out of the water, we decided to tan. I forgot one thing:

Irish don't tan.

They b u r n.

So I come home, and my skin matches my hair.

Obviously, it hurts. A lot. I've decided to share my wisdom on how to make sunburns feel better.

1. WEAR SUNBLOCK. DO NOT BE STUPID LIKE ME.
2. Aloe Vera. Omigosh. Feels sooo good. But make sure you splurge and get the gel. Also make sure it has no alcohol in it, because that stings.
3. Lemon Juice. Strange but true. I soaked a few washclothes in it and stuck them in the freezer. Sweet relief.
4. Cold showers/baths. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THIS.
5. Baking Soda. This one's tricky. Either put it in a bath, or make a paste. But make a thin paste. When it's too thick, it's extremely painful to put on.
6. Vinegar. Has the same affect as lemon juice, but leaves you smelling like salt and vinegar chips.

So, if you are unfortunate and get a sunburn this summer, try one of these. Do you have any more home remedies that work for you?

Calling all bookworms!

I'm selling A BUNCH of books over at my book blog!! Check it out

Book Review: Unplanned by Abby Johnson

So, I usually do my book reviews over at my book review blog (makes sense), but I recently read a book that I've been so excited to review, but it doesn't really fit in at that blog.

I've been following Abby Johnson for a long time on facebook, and I really like her pro-life stance and point of views. I was also impressed that she used to work at Planned Parenthood. I felt like she knew. I finally got around to reading her book, Unplanned. In it, Abby goes in to some extremely personal stuff, including her two abortions and her struggles with various faiths. It was an engaging read, and well written. I don't read a lot of non-fiction (it bores me), but the way that this was written reminded me of a fiction novel. Abby is a wonderful woman and her book shows just that.

Plus, how cool was it that I finished the book the night before her baby boy was born?

Somebody tell God I need to be hit over the head with a 2x4

A couple days ago, I was happily scrolling through my facebook newsfeed when I saw this graphic:

"Aww," I thought, "That's adorable! But since I'm the most single person in the world I don't need that.

On Sunday at youth group, we talked about the sacraments. My group got marriage. My youth minister is married with kids to another one of our youth ministers, and most of the time we talked about their relationship and how it was based on God.

Sound familiar? (Hint: Look at the above picture.)

Finally, today, I saw a lifeteen post about Katie Holmes' and Tom Cruise's divorce. Since I'm a celebrity gossip junkie, I clicked on it.

I READ THE EXACT SAME THING I'VE BEEN SEEING/HEARING FOR THE PAST WEEK.

I think God's trying to tell me something.

The problem is, I have absolutely no idea what He's saying. I'm single as single can be (in other words...)

and a romantic relationship is nowhere in the foreseeable future for me.

So, God, if you're trying to tell me something, can you make it a bit more obvious? Let's not forget that I am a natural blonde...

Why I've decided to drop out of college before I've even started

1. Youth Group: I've been a part of my youth group throughout my highschool career, and they're one of the few constants I had in an inconstant teenage life. Sadly (or not...), this group is what I'm going to miss the most when I leave.
2. I'm lazy: Seriously. I'm seriously lazy. It's not even okay. I'll be too lazy to do any work and will get kicked out.
3. I procrastinate: I was supposed to "deep clean" my room before Christmas. It's July and still a mess.
4. I like living at home: It's okay to be lazy and procrastinate.
5. My closest family to campus is crazy: I mean, it was bound to happen since my whole family is crazy...
6. I've run out of excuses...

The Current Internal Struggle

I've always been impulsive and quick to give in to things. Yet, I'm stubborn. I know that makes ZERO sense, but that's kinda who I am. I've also been a lover of attractive men since I was a little girl and I thought that Rupert Grint was the cutest boy ever. So, when I saw the commercial for Magic Mike, I was thrilled. So thrilled, that I began counting down the days to it's release and going to see it at midnight. As I watched it, I felt uncomfortable. It felt wrong, and I felt guilty. But, my sister and friend, who I saw the movie with, loved it. Like, LOVED it. And I felt stupid for feeling weird. So I stuck those feelings in the back of my mind and gushed over just how sexy Channing Tatum was with my friends. I stuck those weird feelings and thoughts so far into the back of my brain that I forgot about them. Until my friend posted this article on facebook.


When I first saw it, I kinda rolled my eyes. Obviously it was wrong, but I was my own person. But something inside me compelled me to read the link and read the article. And the immense guilt and uncomfortable feelings set in again. The first thing that got me was this bible verse that she put into her post: 

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” Matthew 6:22-23

Oh. Well, what I saw was definitely not healthy. Does that make my  whole body unhealthy? It was just a bit of fun...

And then came this slap in the face:

 If our husbands were drooling over a movie about female strippers, we would be livid. 

Just two weeks ago, I empathized with a bridezilla (of the show Bridezillas) as she freaked out over her fiance seeing strippers and told my grandma I wanted to do a a co-ed karaoke night for my bachelor/bachelorette party. If my future husband is out there watching porn or going to strip shows... I don't know. My heart aches just thinking about it. But I'm here watching Magic Mike. I don't want a husband who will be okay with me watching that kind of thing, and I know I wouldn't be okay with my husband doing it. 


So, this is kinda my public apology. I'm sorry to all the people who saw the gifs of Magic Mike up on my tumblr. Yep, the same tumblr that says "Catholic and Proud" and also has saint quotes and bible verses on it. I'm sorry to the people I thought were 'just too conservative'. I'm sorry for being a hypocrite. 


Love,
Katie

Life's too short.

For those who know me, you know I cringe whenever someone uses the term 'YOLO'. But that's not what this blog post is about.

This post is about a friend of mine who has fought the good fight against an inoperable brain tumor for the past years. He won in the best way someone with an inoperable brain tumor could: by passing away peacefully, with his family at his side.

He was only 19.

I knew Quinn through my church, his younger brother was in Sunday School classes with my sister, and he was a year older than me. I can still remember him being a ridiculously goofy kid, and my mom, who subbed for his fourth grade CCD class, saying how he was the only nice one. As I got older, we never really got closer. When I became an altar server, I was put in his group. I was only nine at the time, but I remember him being really funny and making me laugh a lot. I was thirteen when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Although I didn't know him well, I remember being terrified. Quinn and I crossed paths quite often (pretty easy when you live in a town like mine) and he always had a smile. Always. Even as he suffered through chemo and countless other treatments, he always had a smile and a kind word. He was so full of joy.

Quinn taught me lessons that I never thought I needed to know, but now that I look back, I realize I did. Life's too short to live out the 'YOLO' mindset. When you're on your death bed, you're gonna regret stuff. It's life. But do you honestly want to regret doing something as stupid as drinking underage or doing drugs? How about regretting not climbing to the top of Mount Everest? Because I'm pretty sure that on your death bed, you're not going to be thinking, "Damn, I wish I smoked that weed that was offered to me back in high school and then got drunk and had sex with everything with legs." I hope that on my death bed, I'll have no regrets, that I'll have done everything I ever dreamed of doing, that I loved enough, and that I became the person I was meant to be. But chances are, I'm going to have regrets. But I know I'm not going to regret becoming best friends with someone who really changed me. I won't regret having the relationship I have with my mom. I won't regret being in plays, or reading a little too much. I won't regret being called a nerd.

But I do regret doing the destructive things I've done before.

As I look through the facebook posts being made about Quinn, I see one thing that every post has in common: They all loved him. Everyone has something to say about one thing he did at one point, something he probably thought was nothing. Everybody keeps talking about how full of joy he was, and his smile. And all I can hope is that one day, I can make a difference in someone's life like Quinn made a difference in so many.

RIP Quinn, and thank you.

Graduation pictures

my friend Allen and I

The balloons my dad got me!

my Physiology teacher and I.

My cap! Looks kinda Dr. Seussy. :)

Getting my diploma!

My creative writing teacher and I.

My best friend Gina and I :)

before the ceremony.

walking in

my friend Iliana and I.

my sister Sarah and I before the ceremony.

my English teacher and I

Mommy and Me!

We have such a special relationship :P

Class of 2012! WE DID IT!

my friend Tory and I.

Twas the night before graduation...

And all through my brain,
The only song that I could sing,
was 'Pomp and Circumstance'.

Yes, ladies and gents, tomorrow, at 6pm Eastern Standard Time, I will be graduating from high school. I'll shake my assistant principal's hand, smile at the camera, and toss my cap in the air, nobody actually understanding how happy I am. I don't know if I understand just how happy I am. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm excitednervoushappysadomgi'moldaahhh.

And I'm proud. I'm proud that I did it, and I did it with my head tall. And when I smile at the camera, I'll show that picture to my kids and say, "I almost didn't do it, but I'm glad I did".

And I am.

Thnks fr th Mmrs

Today was my last day of high school. I've been counting down the days since they announced the date, and now that it's here, I'm obviously kinda in the mood to reminisce. First let me start off by saying that I did not want to go to school. At all. A lot of homeschoolers, when they hit highschool, want to go. That wasn't me. I'm the type of person who is absolutely terrified of change, even if I'm unhappy with my norm. But I went. And it changed me, in some ways for the worse, in other ways for the better. I made new friends, some I think are lifelong. I learned who I was and who I didn't want to be. I learned how to push myself in ways I didn't think possible. Going to school was definitely positive for me. But, it wasn't always a positive experience. In reality, a good portion of it was pretty sucky. But now that I'm done, I've never felt more proud.

I can honestly say I did it. I made it through the tears, the anger, the fear, the constant anxiety and stress. I made it through the rumors, the hardships that came with being the new kid, and staying true to myself. 

And you know what? Those weren't the best years of my life. I have faith that God has something so much bigger and better in store for me than high school. But it was a learning experience. One that I'll never forget.

Catholics for Choice

So, I'm on facebook. And I'm Catholic. And I'm pro-life. So, obviously I've heard about the notorious facebook page known as 'Catholics for Choice'. According to their website, this is what they do:

Called upon time and time again for information, advice and skills building, Catholics for Choice helps people and organizations confidently challenge the power of the Catholic hierarchy which uses every means at its disposal to punish and publicly shame Catholics who don't unquestioningly follow its edicts. The hierarchy also seeks to impose its narrow view of morality ― and dangerous positions on public health issues ― on Catholics and non-Catholics around the world.

In other words, they don't like what the Church believes it and wants to change it. In today's day and age, 'Catholic' seems almost like a slur and synonymous to "narrow minded bigot". Here's my question: Why associate with the Catholic Church unless you want to? I'm a Cradle Catholic, and I've had my doubts and disagreeements about what the Church believes (I mean, who hasn't? the Church is infamous for her stances on controversial subjects, such as birth control, abortion and gay marriage.) but when I was confirmed, I stood up and said I believed in the Church's teachings and I would stay true to her. If you are a Catholic adult, chances are you did the exact same thing.

One common arguement I've seen on the facebook page is that God gave us free will. I'm not sure how to say my thoughts politely, so I'll just say them... well duh! Yes, God gave us choice! Why did He do that? Well, I dunno, maybe it's because He loves us? Yeah, He loves us and He wants us to make the right choices! Just because God gave me free will, does that mean I can kill my mom? No? Why not? Is it because I'm abusing the gift? Probably.

I haven't seen this arguement, but that doesn't mean it's not there. The Catholic Church is against lying, and you can't tell me you don't lie. Yes, the difference is that if you are repentant and sorry, you are forgiven. Catholics for Choice are clear that they see no problem in what they're doing (even though they repeatedly slam the bishops. Hey CFC, you know what the pope is?! And if you don't follow the pope... well, that's called protesting. Or Protestant. Not that I have anything against Protestants. I have lots of Protestant friends and love them all dearly.)

So, I'm rambling now. But overall, other problems people have with the Catholic Church is that they are against women priests, gay marriage, abortion, birth control, etc. Calm down, people. There are plenty of other Christian denomenations that find no problem in the above. I've heard they're pretty welcoming (and some are also very anti-Catholic). If you want to be a part of the club, you gotta follow the rules.

That's all.

Guys... I'm old.

Ok. So, I turned 18 in August. 1st sign of being old. I voted in November 2nd sign of being old. I didn't wait up for Santa on Christmas. 3rd sign of being old. I went to prom. 4th sign of... wait, what?!

Yes, that's right folks, I, Katlyn Marie F. went to prom on Friday, June 8, 2012.

I ate, I sat awkwardly on the sidelines as everyone else danced (wallflowers for the win, yo), danced a bit (lot of awkward hip shaking and jumping up and down), and all in all had a good time.

Post prom was more fun, though. I was hypnotized. It was weird.

On Wednesday, it's my last day of high school. Some people are sad, but I can't wait to get out of there and start my life.

Speaking of starting my life... I'm going to college! On August 22nd 2012, I will be starting classes at Mount Saint Mary's University in Emmitsburg Maryland where I will be majoring in (takes deep breath) English with a minor in Creative Writing while also getting my teaching certificate. Yeah, it's a mouthful. I am soo excited. Of course I'm nervous too, but that's totally normal. I think.

So, yeah. That's basically it. I've missed blogging, so I came back.