I'm pretty sure that was most of the country that day. Maybe it was made worse by the fact that I live 40 minutes away from Newtown and have friends there. Maybe it was made worse by following everyone on twitter.
All I know is that night, as I lay sleepless in bed, the same thing went through my head, over and over and over again, "Where was God? Why did He let this happen?"
The next day, people began talking about how it wouldn't have happened if "God was still allowed in schools". Maybe. Maybe if He was allowed in public schools, He would have stopped this...
But that doesn't sound like my God.
That's when I saw this quote by Mr. Rogers: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always
That's when I realized that God was there all along.
God was there in Victoria Soto, a young women who hid her class in closets and bravely faced the gunman, telling him that they were in the gym before being killed.
God was there in Kristen Roig, another teacher who squeezed her class into a bathroom, and promised them that they would see Christmas.
God was there in the first responders, who had to see 20 dead children while looking for survivors. Who in their own grief and awful feelings still told the surviving children to keep their eyes closed and hold on to each other.
God was there in the principal and school psychiatrist, Mary Sherlach and Dawn Hochsprung, who ran out into the hallway to see what was going on.
God was there in Anne Marie Murphy, who's body was found shielding her students.
God was there the whole time, and you know what? He wept with us as he took his helpers home.