Friday, July 6, 2012

The Current Internal Struggle

I've always been impulsive and quick to give in to things. Yet, I'm stubborn. I know that makes ZERO sense, but that's kinda who I am. I've also been a lover of attractive men since I was a little girl and I thought that Rupert Grint was the cutest boy ever. So, when I saw the commercial for Magic Mike, I was thrilled. So thrilled, that I began counting down the days to it's release and going to see it at midnight. As I watched it, I felt uncomfortable. It felt wrong, and I felt guilty. But, my sister and friend, who I saw the movie with, loved it. Like, LOVED it. And I felt stupid for feeling weird. So I stuck those feelings in the back of my mind and gushed over just how sexy Channing Tatum was with my friends. I stuck those weird feelings and thoughts so far into the back of my brain that I forgot about them. Until my friend posted this article on facebook.

When I first saw it, I kinda rolled my eyes. Obviously it was wrong, but I was my own person. But something inside me compelled me to read the link and read the article. And the immense guilt and uncomfortable feelings set in again. The first thing that got me was this bible verse that she put into her post: 

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” Matthew 6:22-23
Oh. Well, what I saw was definitely not healthy. Does that make my  whole body unhealthy? It was just a bit of fun...

And then came this slap in the face:

 If our husbands were drooling over a movie about female strippers, we would be livid. 
Just two weeks ago, I empathized with a bridezilla (of the show Bridezillas) as she freaked out over her fiance seeing strippers and told my grandma I wanted to do a a co-ed karaoke night for my bachelor/bachelorette party. If my future husband is out there watching porn or going to strip shows... I don't know. My heart aches just thinking about it. But I'm here watching Magic Mike. I don't want a husband who will be okay with me watching that kind of thing, and I know I wouldn't be okay with my husband doing it. 

So, this is kinda my public apology. I'm sorry to all the people who saw the gifs of Magic Mike up on my tumblr. Yep, the same tumblr that says "Catholic and Proud" and also has saint quotes and bible verses on it. I'm sorry to the people I thought were 'just too conservative'. I'm sorry for being a hypocrite. 


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